scars

Dermatillomania. 

Commonly referred to as skin-picking disorder.

disorder.

disorder.

disorder.

That word. 

As if I don't already feel bad enough about the fact that since the age of two I haven't been able to control the compulsion to pick at my own skin.

As If I'm not already ashamed.

As If explaining the scars isn't already hard enough.

I don't want to explain for the thousandth time that IT'S NOT SELF HARM,

It's a variety of OCD... (not that that makes it sound any better)

disorder. 

disorder.

disorder.

"Dermatillomania: The primary characteristic of Skin Picking Disorder (also known as Dermatillomania or Excoriation) is the repetitive picking at one’s own skin to the extent of causing damage.”

I pick at my skin because something else is picking at my mind,

and I have fifteen and a half years worth of scars to show for it. 

I hate when people ask about them.

I'm tired of explaining it,

of that word.

disorder.

disorder.

disorder.

I think the biggest problem I have with that word is admitting that yes, 

I have a disorder and realizing that no,

 it does not make me any less of a person. 

And what scares me the most is anyone thinking of me differently because of it.

I'm still me.

PLEASE SEE ME FOR ME NOT FOR MY SCARS.